I've been wanting to write about this for some time now... but I've been avoiding it. It's just so hard for me to write about, talk about, or even think about Sophie Lu feeling sad. Sadness is just something that I never want my children to feel, but of course I know that life does have it's sad moments. Still, I've managed to shelter her from so much... I skip the sad parts when reading stories, and I censor what she watches and listens to. I've been especially careful to avoid certain movies- particularly Bambi, The Lion King, and any other movie involving the loss of a parent. Perhaps I'm over sensitive to those story lines because of what Sophie has endured in her short life, but it's my prerogative as her mother; and personally, I can't even watch those movies without crying. I know she'll see them some day, but I've wanted to put that day off as long as I possibly could...
So after Thanksgiving, I bought the entire set of Christmas classics- you know those clamation movies... Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, and, of course, Frosty the Snowman. I guess I was too preoccupied with wondering about the scary parts, and I forgot about the part in Frosty where he melts. And honestly, I haven't seen it since I quit teaching five years ago, so I had forgotten how sad it is when Frosty melts and his little friend Karen kneels crying by the puddle of melted snow. Well, Sophie loved Frosty up until that point. But when Frosty melted, Sophie's lip started quivering, and her eyes welled up with tears. I could tell she was trying so suppress it, but soon she was sobbing heavily. I held her and tried to explain that Frosty was coming back, but it was no use. What happened to Frosty affected her so deeply that she cried until the movie as over. And she cried every time she watched the movie from then on. I put the movie away, but she kept requesting it. And I explained that maybe she shouldn't watch it because it made her so sad... But she kept requesting it- each time telling me that she wasn't going to cry because it had a happy ending. But sure enough, she cried every time. Poor baby.... and it completely broke my heart every time too.
Thinking about it, I'm not sure that it was what happened to Frosty that upset her so much. I think it was the sight of the little girl crying at the lost of her beloved friend. Sophie is so empathetic that way... she really is always concerned about others' feelings. Even Sophie's teachers tell me that she is always sweet and considerate with her classmates- and that she gets upset when kids are mean to each other. I just wish all kids were that way... particularly three little girls at a Christmas party we went to last month. This is what happened... When we arrived at the party, there were lots of kids running around playing (most of them were a little older than Sophie and the boys were playing sort of rough). Sophie was so excited to see all the kids (none of whom she knew), that she put her arms up and ran out into the crowd of kids happily screaming, "Let's play everyone!" But none of the kids paid any attention to her. So I looked around and found a little girl sitting alone with her parents. I approached her and asked her if she'd like to make a new friend. The girl's mother asked the girl to please take Sophie's hand and take her out to play. The little girl reluctantly did so and led Sophie into the crowd of kids. Watching closely from afar, I saw the little girl check back to see that her mom had stopped watching. The girl dropped Sophie's hand and joined two other little girls who pointed to Sophie, laughed at her, and then left her alone in the crowd. Sophie (who is not a baby by any means and rarely cries) ran into my arms and cried, "Mommy, they laughed at me. The girls don't want to be my friend... They laughed at me..." I was SO upset. Sophie is so innocent and vulnerable... I can't even tell you how broken hearted and MAD I was feeling. How dare they treat my sweet Sophie that way.... So I calmly walked over to the girl who who was asked to play with Sophie and politely asked her if anyone had laughed at Sophie. Her reply was, "Yes, she was bugging us." And the girl walked away. The little girls saw Sophie crying, too. They didn't care. I can't believe that they didn't care. Seeing Sophie so hurt was so painful to me. I'm frightened that this is all starting already... time has gone by so quickly. Too quickly. And I know that this is minor compared to what she will undoubtedly endure in the next years to come. How will my heart withstand her pain? I guess all I can do is pray and be there for her. I will comfort her and love her through these times, but how will I help her to stay sweet- to never ever be the girl who starts clicks, excludes others, and thinks it's okay to be mean?Sophie is sensitive. When someone looks sad, she wonders why. She still asks about Alex and mourns the fact that she cannot visit him in "Kitty Heaven"... And sweetest of all, she cries when Baby Sasha cries... Sophie is sensitive (with her own and others' feelings), but how will I make sure that she stays that way? I just want her to stay that way...
*lyrics in post title by Jewel
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